Mistake
by kthomas14
Summary: It's 16 years after Lana Winters gave her daughter up for adoption, and she realizes that she made a mistake. How will Lana finally find peace?


It was a bright, early, Wednesday morning. Lana Winters woke up, opened the yellow curtains, and looked out across the foggy New York City skyline from her apartment. She noticed a young woman with blond hair pushing a stroller across the pavement. Lana stared at her for a long period of time, watching her walk into the distance, disappearing into the city. She quickly closed the curtain, slipped on her satin robe and walked into the kitchen.

As usual, she poured herself a warm cup of coffee, lit a cigarette, and sat at the table. Her eyes fell at her own face on the cover of latest issue of Time magazine. She'd never seen herself look so beautiful. The light hit her soft, ivory skin beautifully. And her short, voluminous, wavy brown hair fell perfectly at her shoulder. Though she looked flawless, Lana hated the picture that was chosen. Despite the fact that her face was turned slightly to the side, masked with makeup, everything that happened to her was plastered clearly on her facial expression. Though it had been 16 years since she wrote her first book, everything was still so broken. Her dreams became reality, and she had everything she wished for, but as the years went by, her heart became more and more hollow. When you looked inside her deep, brown eyes, you could see the tragedy that still lived inside her. She threw the magazine across the room, and buried her head in her palms.

It had been exactly 16 years since Lana gave up her daughter, and no matter how much she tried to distract herself, it was all she could think about. She still had no knowledge of the child what-so-ever, who her parents were, where she lived, or what her name was.

When released her first book, Maniac, her world turned around. She gained fame and fortune, and she tried to keep the baby in the back of her mind. But for the first time, she wondered if she gave up the only real beautiful thing that came out of the tragedy that took over her life, the one light in her life that would always be there, her baby.

She remembered everything about the day she brought her innocent child into the rotten world. During the pregnancy, she promised herself that she wouldn't even look at the child; the idea that she would see evil in the innocent eyes of her own child horrified her. Even though the baby would be the most innocent creature she would ever know, she couldn't stand the thought of even glancing at anything that had to do with the man that destroyed her entire being. But the baby wouldn't stop crying, she was allergic to the formula, and the nurses begged her to breastfeed the baby before she was sent to a new family. Though Lana promised herself that she wouldn't hold the baby under any circumstances, she couldn't stand to hear the baby scream for hours on end. Once the baby was set in Lana's arms, she stopped crying instantly. Lana couldn't help but look in the baby's deep, brown eyes. She was surprised that the baby didn't remind her of the father, but rather herself.

Looking at that baby, and holding her in her arms brought an intoxicating feeling that she hasn't felt for what seemed like an eternity…...hope. She tried her hardest to swallow it and set herself back to reality, but she couldn't. It rushed in her veins like a wildfire, it was like seeing a bare tree blossom with lush, green leaves in the summer time. Like watching the sunrise after a never ending night of darkness, it was waking up from a nightmare and realizing that all the monsters that terrorized you in your sleep have vanished forever.

Lana brushed the baby's soft cheek with her finger. "I'm so sorry." she whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Lana, it's time" A pale, old nurse said, keeping her distance from Lana.

"Okay, just a few more minutes please" Lana said as she held the baby closer.

"Lana, if you're having second thoughts, we-"

"No. I'm not having second thoughts" Lana interrupted. "I just need a minute with her."

When the nurse walked out, Lana held the baby against her shoulder. Holding her child flourished a feeling similar to what Lana felt when she held Wendy. The baby curled her hand around Lana's finger. She brushed her hand across the baby's head.

"I wish I could take you home…...but you deserve to be with a happy family, you deserve to be as far away from pain as you can get, and you won't get that with me." Lana looked in the baby's eyes and cried. "Please don't ever think that I never loved you. I'll always love you. Always." She said as she kissed the baby's forehead.

"Lana, we have to take the baby now. The family is waiting." The nurse said as she walked towards Lana.

"Okay." As soon as the baby left Lana's arms, she began to cry. Lana held back tears as she watched the only beautiful thing in her life leave forever.

As soon as Lana's arms were empty, so was her heart. She tried to fill it with things that she believed could provide happiness. Fame, and money. She often thought about where her daughter was now, what her hobbies are, if she's doing well in school, if her parents raised her well and that they provided her with the love she wished she could provide. She'd never even seen the child, but it agonized her that she couldn't protect the one thing in her life that produced eternal love.

It was too late now, the child was 16 years old, had a family, and if the child was meant to be hers, she would have raised her. But the guilt she felt was so strong, she had to let it off her chest. Lana picked up the phone and called up her good friend Kit Walker to meet her for coffee. Kit had children, and she knew that he might be able to help her.

Lana anxiously waited in the coffee shop, when Kit finally arrived, she jumped up and gave him a hug.

"Hey! It's been so long, I've missed you!"

"You too, Lana, you too" They both smiled, and sat down.

"So how have you been, how are the kids?" Lana asked as she took a sip of coffee.

"Great….they're little geniuses, it's getting hard to keep up, but I couldn't be more proud."

"That's great to hear" Lana smiled.

"You know, they miss you, Lana."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, they ask about you all the time"

Lana was shocked to hear this, she spends so much time alone that she forgets that people actually want to be around her from time to time.

"I miss them too" there was a long, silent pause.

"Kit, do you believe in second chances?" Lana asked suddenly.

"Of course, neither of us would be here if we didn't get a second chance." Kit answered.

"You're right"

"Why do you ask?"

"I've just been thinking, it's been 16 years since I had the baby an-"

"Oh Lana" Kit interrupted.

"Kit, everyday for 16 years, I haven't stopped thinking about her." Lana snapped.

"Exactly, it's been 16 years, you need to let go, just let go Lana. You did the right thing" Kit said as he grabbed Lana's hands, trying to comfort her.

"Thanks….but if I was right I don't think I would feel this way. The guilt, and the emptiness, and the sadness was supposed to go away a long time ago, but it's all growing stronger as each second passes by. And it's all my fault, everything that happened is all my fault." Lana bowed her head and sighed.

"Don't say that, don't believe for one second that it was your fault. What Thredson did to you was pure evil, what Briarcliff did to the both of us was evil, none of it was your fault, it just happened. But that was all in the past, Lana, we can't go back there, it won't do no good." Kit said as he reached over to wipe the tears away from Lana's cheeks.

"That's what I thought, too Kit. I thought that burying your past was the only way to move on, and that's what I did. But right now, digging it up is the only way for me. "

"Are you sure, Lana? I mean I don't th-"

"I need to do this, Kit, I need to." Lana interrupted. "I just….I need to at least look into my baby's eyes and see her looking back at me, that's all I need. I just need to know that she is safe, and happy." Kit squeezed Lana's hand and smiled.

"Well if that's what you need, then I can't stop you, but I will tell you one thing Lana Banana. You're not doing it alone." They both smiled.

"Thank you, Kit."


End file.
